He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am mentally ready for anal.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
