Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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