you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
