They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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