Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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