she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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