anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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