Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
