i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
