I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
