Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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