"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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