shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
