Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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