I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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