So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he puts the penis in happiness.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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