I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
