You're my little dorito
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
