shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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