I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
