You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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