I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
