Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
