Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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