its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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