he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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