At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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