I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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