Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
