checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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