how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
