hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
