so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
