can u get pink eye on your cock?
this just has baby written all over it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
