I puked a lego.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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