If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
