I'm really into asian looking animals
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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