How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
