puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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