Non-Jews are for practice
you would pick up someone in the library
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
