So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
