420 ftw
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I could make wine with my vomit
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
