dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
