Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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