There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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