worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
