Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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