i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
