I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
