what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
