Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
